Dealing with Skating Obsession.

[Dev Gnoll]

Originally Posted by Dev Gnoll

...

Glad to see you're out of the Doghouse.

Originally Posted by BWI-Sheldon

Thanks. It's a little bit more complicated than just that. You see I became too addicted to skating and it started to get in the way of life, as everyone around me was sick of me, skate this skate that. So I had to put myself in the doghouse and stop skating.
One day last week I had a revelation. I don't have a problem, it's just my alter ego that is a Skataholic. So I sent him to the doghouse, and told him to stop talking about skating to anyone around me, and even in the forum he is banned from talking.
Now I just skate a little bit here or there just to retain what I built up, and to get the heart pumping once or twice a week.

Originally Posted by online inline

Welcome back, and i could tell something was up (Am-Wings, no marathon, no responses to queries by others)
This is a fascinating subject and i think it deserves a thread of its own. How to cope with the obsession. Got to go right now to keep myself out of the doghouse, but i just got ordered off the computer, no kidding...

I certainly think this is worthy of it's own thread.
We certainly have the whole spectrum here, from the middle-aged family guys who have more enthusiam and disposable income than speed, to the speedskaters who are forced to work at real jobs occaisionally.

So, how do you deal with the obsession?

Me, I just go with it. If my wife complains about me being too obsessed about anything, I just switch obsessions for a while. It's kinda like cross training.

I'll be the first to admit that this coping strategy does not lead to constant improvement as a skater. But then again, I am not just a skater, and the other stuff is important occaisionally.

[tdellaringa]

Good topic.. I get chastised myself on occasion. I wonder how much of this is a guy thing - I tend to get obsessed with my interests often, and it has caused a few problems. Let's just say I don't play online games anymore.

My wife has accused me of going from one obsession to the next. She's wondering if this is the next and when I will drop it, but I explained to her how this one is different - it's about my health first and foremost. Because it has helped make a drastic change in my life - for the good for once - she's pretty tolerant. She can not only see how happy it makes me, she can see the results on me (which is good for her too of course).

Now I have tons more energy and drive than I used to. So maybe I'm out at practice a lot sometimes, and wanting to hit all these races, but it's not like some of the other junk I've been into.

The real test will be next year. I absolutely love going to the marathon outdoor races. I only got into this thing this year after half the season had passed, and only made 3 races. Next season, I'm going to want to do a lot more. It's going to be interesting, I'm going to have to find some kind of compromise. In the middle of the summer there are months where there are races every single weekend. Not only can that get in the way of life a bit, it can get expensive.

But I'm planning on being in this sport for the long haul. I've missed being part of a team for years, since I stopped playing 12-inch softball and ball hockey. It's a part of me that has been missing.

She sees how it makes me happy and a better man, as I said, so it's been good so far. Also - I'm getting her and the kids skates for Christmas So we can do some things together.

[Bill in Houston]

I tend to go from one obsession to the next as well. One thing I do to try to make it more palatable is that I make sure to give 100% to the family when I am with them. So, when I get home from skating, instead of getting on the computer or lying around, I go hang out outside with the kids or make dinner or help clean up the house. Skating has been a better obsession than some in the past, because I'm getting exercise, which tends to make me an overall happier and steadier guy.

[mvirtue]

My wife thought that this would last 6 months tops. Well 2.5 years later I'm still skating.

Let's see...I'm mostly relegated to posting while at work. If I spend time reading posts at home I get the hairy eyeball.

If I skate outdoors I need to be done before she wakes up. I can't stand around and chit-chat after practice, need to get home to dinner. Skating supplies need to come out of my own fun money and not the household account. I'm allowed one away marathon (Spokane), Nationals and the occasional away meet.

Oh and I have to get through the "honey do" list...

[tdellaringa]

Originally Posted by mvirtue

Let's see...I'm mostly relegated to posting while at work. If I spend time reading posts at home I get the hairy eyeball.

LOL - I get that too - "there he goes again, even when he's not skating it's all about skating..."

[mvirtue]

Originally Posted by tdellaringa

LOL - I get that too - "there he goes again, even when he's not skating it's all about skating..."

Wow...I've even heard those same words!

[Kathie Fry]

at home I get the hairy eyeball

LOL, in Hawaii we call it "Stink Eye". And by the way, this problem is not just a guy thing. New boyfriends are always so sweet about my skating and Web site hobbies/obsessions at first but it typically gets old for them rather quickly. Which I totally understand by the way. Living alone makes it all so much easier. I suppose one of these days I will go to the dark side and have to deal with all of that. Not ready for it yet though...

- Kathie

[Bryan]

I'm so lucky to have a woman with three pairs of skates who also hangs out on this site. We were out riding in the freezing cold last night and I yelled ahead to her "Babe, I'm glad we're not sitting at home watching TV!"

She doesn't have time to skate (or ride) nearly as much as I do because of her studies, but she understands 100%. (Of course, it also helps her, because if I'm out skating in the evening, she has more peace and quiet to study.)

Moral of the story? Teach your spouses to skate!

[Dev Gnoll]

Originally Posted by Kathie Fry

Living alone makes it all so much easier.

It is kinda a nasty cycle. Since it's so much easier for a non-family person to do this stuff, the sport's full of non-family people. Skinny, fit, healthy unattached people. Add cross-drafting, and it's a reciepe for astronaut-class jealousy in non-obsessed SO's.

[JandKLarson]

I guess Kevin and I are in a minority - we share the same skating obsession and it was how we met six years ago. I know of other couples and families that skate, but sadly, that is the rarity and not the norm. In our house, our problems are the opposite - who gets on the computer first to peruse the "boards," finding time to take care of household chores because we're off at practice or at a meet. Downside to our obsession - our small two bedroom condo is overflowing with skating equipment, not only ours, but the speed team's "spare" donated equipment, training equipment (roadbikes, trainers, weights, etc.), and a multitude of award trophies, medals, etc., spanning Kevin's 20 plus years of skating and now my several years. I am about ready to rent a small storage unit... And then there's the use of vacation time to go to various indoor and outdoor races. But we do enjoy our sport tremendously, so it's all good in the end.

[Dev Gnoll]

Originally Posted by Kathie Fry

Any objections if I move this discussion to the main forum? Seems like a general-interest skating issue. Skaters in every discipline have to deal with it.

- K

There's two aspects that flow through here:
First, there is the pure obssession, then there is the degree to which following the obsession isolates you from the non-obsessed.

Skaters of every discipline can get obssessed.

Only fitness and outdoor speed forcably isolate you from the non-obsessed.

[Kathie Fry]

Only fitness and outdoor speed forcably isolate you from the non-obsessed.

Yes, except that assumes your significant other is quite happy to tag along to the roller rink or skatepark several times a week to watch you train, rock with your friends, scrimmage, shoot pucks, jump, spin or whatever.

- K

[mvirtue]

Originally Posted by Kathie Fry

Yes, except that assumes your significant other is quite happy to tag along to the roller rink or skatepark several times a week to watch you train, rock with your friends, scrimmage, shoot pucks, jump, spin or whatever.

- K

My wife would be happy to go to session, as long as I did not force her to wear inlines. But that is only 2 hours a week.

I forgot to add travel time to the rink -- 1/2 hour each way.

[Bryan]

Originally Posted by JandKLarson

who gets on the computer first to peruse the "boards,"

Huh. Your usage of the word "the" would seem to imply singular, as in only having one computer. Inconceivable!

Originally Posted by JandKLarson

And then there's the use of vacation time to go to various indoor and outdoor races.

Imagine if you both worked at the same company like we do!

[BWI-Sheldon]

Absolutely a great Thread.

I thought mvirtue was talking about me. I had to skate on work time only, or real early on Sunday before the family got in gear. The constant skating talk was boring everyone to the point of resentment. No, she didn't want to leave the kids for a weekend, to go with me to a marathon.


Like most others here, I also came to a fork in the road, and grabbed a second chance at life. I got off the couch and went from an insurance statistic to a proficient athlete in the course of a year, while dropping 50 pounds in the process. Even though I have found a new joy in life, it is the competitive drive in me, which has kept me motivated to keep on skating. Looking forward to a marathon is what makes me go out in the cold, battle the wind, sweat the heat, on those days when I'm tired and looking for excuses to be lazy.



But alas I got too obsessed with it, and it started to cause resentment in the family. Being so difficult in a family of six, to go to any skating events away from home, I was disappointed when Disney got cancelled, as this was the only hope of skating marathons. Naturally when the Houston Marathon was formed I jumped at the chance of skating it. (I also thought that I would have a chance at the podium, which I may never get again) Things didn’t go as planned. While for me it was a great opportunity to go on a weekend getaway, with the wife, and patch things up that has been faltering the past few month. To her it was more like “he wouldn’t go anywhere with me alone, but he just would want me to tag along so he can skate. You can’t expect me to leave the kids because of your selfish desires.”



Hence no competition, no reason to train. No training, no skating. It’s got to painful to skate for just the enjoyment of skating alone. I was really down. Work is a joke, I have no challenge. A community building project that I am involved in has hit a bureaucratic wall of red tape. Family life and relationships have been going down the tube. I was a mess.



So I did some soul searching. The really deep kind of soul searching. Truth be told, I was obsessed with skating as an escape from life’s problems just like any other addiction people have. Too much of a good thing is detrimental to personal growth. Remember “…a time for love, a time for hate, a time for war a time for peace,…”, so I was thinking, a time to skate, and a time to rest.




Consequently I had to hang up the skates, until I got myself back into a healthy state of mind. I threw the skate monkey off my back along with the several other of that monkey’s family relatives. I did the “I so sorry honey that I allowed skating to get in the way of the most important thing I have, blah, blah blah,”. I also made many other changes in my life that should have been done years ago. I think I am back on track with life in general.


So a few weeks later, (and around 10 more pounds) I think that I am ready to skate just a little. It will have to be limited to 45 minutes, twice a week, for the purpose of maintaining physical health only. I will not need to talk to others about skating, and it can’t interfere with other activities. Whether I ever get to compete or not, only time will tell. For now, I will make every mile count.

[Kathie Fry]

I think skating early in the morning, before the family gets up and around, is a great solution if your family likes to sleep in and you live in a place where it's possible. Skating on your lunch hour is also a great idea, and also leaving work early to skate. And actually, just not talking about skating so much goes a long way toward appearing to be not so obsessed. I do try to remember not to talk about Web sites and skating so much when I'm spending time with non-skating and non-webmaster friends. It's not always easy, but I try.

Big Hug Sheldon!

- Kathe

[JandKLarson]

Originally Posted by Bryan

Huh. Your usage of the word "the" would seem to imply singular, as in only having one computer. Inconceivable!

Yeah, I know... We'll have a solution to that problem soon though.

[mvirtue]

We all should have prefaced our posts with...

"Hi my name is <fill in the blank> and I have a problem..."

Sheldon -- Glad you found a happy place.

[sk8crazy]

We're also another of those couples that both love to skate. We started skating about 7 years ago very casually -- skating around the neighborhood sort of thing. First time out I could barely skate 6 blocks, it was that tiring. Gradually built things up and then we did our first long skate - 30 km return - Niagara Falls, Canada to Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canada. It took us hours to complete and we even stopped to eat a snack. That hooked us on the longer distances. Now we both skate at least 15 -24 km every weekday morning before 7:00 am and at least 45 km every Sunday morning - weather permitting, of course. Our vacations always incorporate a race or event (Montreal - 24 hour & Defi, New York City - 100 km, Duluth - 42 km, Atlanta - A2A, and on and on) Are we obsessed -- probably. But, it's both of us and it doesn't affect anything else in our lives so it's all good. Our ultimate goal is to continue skating until we're in the oldest age category at the events we attend!

Christine

[speedysktr]

Originally Posted by mvirtue

Sheldon -- Glad you found a happy place.

I'm just going to blurt this out, right or wrong. Reading Sheldon's account and the way it is written does not give me the impression that he is happy. He has made a compromise and it certainly is noble, but is this situation something you can live with long term? I think you need a practical, livable balance for it to be sustainable. Sheldon, I would urge you to view this current situation as a pause while you reassess your game plan. Maybe this is it and this is the best you can come up with, if so, then so be it. If not, I would urge you to endeavor to keep working towards a better balance because I don't think this is it and I think there's a good chance it will eventually create negative energy. Like I said, if this is the solution, then I apologize for goading you or encouraging you to pursue something disruptive.